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    Notes from THE HAVEN
    Tuesday, May 04, 2004

    My friend’s father was murdered yesterday along with three others, each in their own hotel rooms. Reading the article in the MTR this morning, I suppose I was astonished at my shock. Not the size of the impact at all, but that I could be shocked without feeling deep sorrow, as if I had no lamenting thought. Perhaps trying hard to deal with the events last week and to suppress my feeling of my grandfather losing his leg had somehow made me obtuse to everything else that is happening around me.

    I laughed hysterically when I remembered when I was talking with some of my candidates and clients last week – at how absurd we, as a people, especially a professional people have become. People always trying to be heard, always trying to project an image that they feel will be valued, some people have even had charisma bypasses, showing seriousness only. People are a funny breed, we hold a set of rules that society implements upon us, or we ourselves have been led to adopt that things should be this way or that, and they shouldn’t be this way or that. So people feel that it is unprofessional to show your true feelings at the workplace, “Leave your problems at home”, as such. So all the time people are trying to suppress their feelings, become robots at work, never understanding themselves and others, only waiting for work to end so that they can be human again. You suppress your feelings enough you just might succeed in feeling nothing, nothing at all.

    When you are struggling in the water, all you are looking for is someone to throw you a lifesaver. Is that not the truth? And why shouldn’t we? Why shouldn’t we look for someone to give you a call, send you a note, sense that you are feeling quite terrible. And why shouldn’t we feel distressed when no one does? No one can admit that they are so independent that they can be completely alone and learn to deal with that on their own. And what a wonderful feeling it is to have a floatation device plop in front of you, why shouldn't we feel like a 5 year-old with a new bike on Christmas when someone shows they care?

    People are entitled a reaction to things that happen in their lives and things happen. When you had lost love for your job, when your grandfather loses a leg, when your parents and brother give you a nervous breakdown, when you lose three contracts in two months, when you sprain a thumb and have problems breathing, when you feel like you had it together and then lose grip….. its ok to react… so react.

    And it is this absence of lamentation which had led me, quite appropriately, to the book to discover my personal lesson today.

    Lamentations 3
    23Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day.

    There is only one good thing about pain – it ends.

    Bless you all..

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