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Notes from THE HAVEN
Monday, January 19, 2004
The etchings that pointed direction this past six days and two hours have taken me some time to decipher. I have been to many a place and find myself, finally, in the place we call Haven, in a city I call Home. On my desk, my computer is not tempremental which is almost therapudic when trying to convey this following message. As usual, I know not where to start and my thoughts are scattered. But it is not the familiar sense of unfamiliarity that takes up its posturing place in my mind, rather, an unfamiliar sense of familiarity. Something I once knew and knew well.
The week has visited many beginnings. A friend, returning from a quest to escape in Europe, escaped in Europe. A suprise birthday for a sister who consequently begins her new journey tomorrow, in America. Another birthday for someone who went unrecognised when organising someone elses. A friendship grown stronger. A leader, led for the first time. A yougster given encouragement. A group drawn closer.
Tuesday night launched a new beginning. Wedneday night marked an end.
It is a very strange thing to come face to face with the thing that you fear most. To many, it would be some form of disease or danger, perhaps danger of a loved one. Hopeless situations, desperate needs to survive. For me, it was an encounter with the pain channelled from a single source, and the means in which she conducted that pain, cluching her hand.
I tend to be skeptical of the many places one can choose to dine in Hong Kong. I tend to avoid clients and so choose independent and new places. Faithfully, I had made the wrong choice. The escalator pulled me up in view of a familiar sight. Even from far, I recognised. I had always stopped myself from imagining my course of action given those very circumstances, I need not anymore.
Their table was not three tables away. My friend was late and did not have her phone. Conjuring what courage I have not used to keep me from shaking, I approached their table and said my hellos. She hugged me. Explaining her activities during the festive season, I switched off... desperately keeping the contents of my stomach in digestive operation. He offered me a seat. I declined and returned to the one not three tables away. Containing my shakes, I thank the Lord for giving us mobile communicaiton and called friends. A kind voice was in serious necessity. The 28 minutes 24 seconds needed for my friend to come to the restaurant allowed for 2 self-invoked aesthema attacks and serious shakes. Dinner was terrible, and the food, what would I know.. I did not touch it. I walked off my shakes and sat, for a long time, in front of HSBC, looking at the lights change. I looked on my left and saw the Mandarin, and took myself away, remembering mymeetings conducted with the Director of Marketing in 1999. I took the bus to Causeway Bay and met up with my sister. Every 10 minutes or so, got a phone call from a loved one making sure I was not hurting too much, or hurting myself. 12 minutes into the turn of a new day. Home. Hot shower. Call Canada. Sleep.. sleep and upon waking be healed.
three minutes past three. Phone. It was her.
I do not know how the average person would assess or value pain. In fact, I do not care. But when pain is of abundance, the knoweldge of its passing allows for your personal threshold of pain to be pushed further. Trainspotting my locomotive to its limit, it comes colliding with a derailer. Those who set off the river Kwai would have been proud. I died.
Four hours later, the tossing and turning pointed at work. Upon receiving a letter from someone who was clinging to life with a weak grip, God's faithfulness renewed me. I put every ounce of love I had into that reply, each step giving thanks to God for what he will do in my friend's life. 14:30, meeting. Something new. Something good. 18:00 rugby training. Must remember to eat during the day. 19:45, meet with parents of God son and God son. Brain loses capacity. I no longer understood the world. I gave up.
9:00 work. 17:00 off work. TST, met with my Dad who had beed taking care of my great aunt. Bells Paulsey had taken hold of her and Dad had many life lessons to teach that night. Resting at the time, she woke and we went for dinner. 20:00 admired the love that one father had for his daughter who sat on the ferry in her weelchair. Offering them my seat so the family could sit together. I made sure I was not far off to witness the father holding her hand and pressing his face against hers so that she would feel the warmth in the eaving sea breeze of our fragrant harbour. I prayed.
20:34 arrive at Tom and Jacinta's House Warming/Birthday party. Stayed for an hour. Went home ready for sleep. 22:00 phone call. Every ounce of love I poured into that reply was returned. The message was received and effective. Give life to those who need it. Even when you have little of your own, share it, for you only need a little. A light can be seen from afar. The darkeness can only cover where a light cannot shine. Prayers. Sleep.
Cufflinks, Tie, Camera. Brunch with a dear friend.
14:45 Admiralty station, shuttle bus to Aberdeen Marina Club. The first friend to ever pray for me in secondary school, was getting married. I used to call her "mum" coz she was very motherly and looked out for everyone. She invited me to listen to her testimony at her church in Wanchai many fathful years ago. One of three I was who were invited from out class of 80 to the ceremony. The other two arrived and gave even more news, an engagement. How wonderful it is to be in the presence of real love, and at the same time, how dreadfully devastating. I was indeed happy to witness such a remarkable event, what a beautiful wedding it was. and to be the first one to know of the engagement, was also a true honour. I stood corrected from my self pity, yet shamefully, could not rid the thoughts of my past two engagements.
I made my way through the madding crowed known as Saturday's Causeway Bay. Slipping through the streets and finally to the Haven. Sat, and read a long letter from a friend, so long, I had to print it, as she illustrated things that I once knew but needed reminding. I made my way back to the celebration for dinner, this time with 10 other friends at the table. We took our pictures and swapped congradulations. Speaking of old times.
Many of us have grown in the past 7 years. Some of us have yet to. The large group reminded me why we hadn't had a large group in so long. Perhaps I just avoided them. I did, however, get to spend some one on one time on my end of the table talking to a couple old friends who have moved into life with much progression, of which I was proud to witness. Much effort was given into talk about who was to tie the knot next... they were relentless about joking about my past two.
Karaoke. I very much hate Karaoke. I spent much of my 23rd year in Karaokes of various types, getting very familiar with Carlsberg. Tonight, along with an old friend, was no exception. 3 cans free for 5, we had two orders between the two of us. I got home, scared Suki, took a shower, went to bed.
Sunday. 10:04 church. Just in time to do my job, and dimmed the lights. The service was good. I was able to get what I needed. What I needed was some one on one with God. Tony preached perfectly. It was Joanne's birthday. But I couldn't go. Instead, Nate, Cliff and I got karted to TST in Dan's 121 to set up Youth Alive. I spent the first 2 hours doing nothing. I was asked to find an adapted for Josh's cool synthesizer thing. So I trekked over to Grandville. I can tell you, I heard praise and worship all the way over there. It lifted me.
15:00 rain. The rain did not stop. Praise assembly did not stop praising and worshipping. Many congragations gathered together to pray for God to part the skies. It didn't. I got cold and wet and saw many people I knew from ICA, the person who baptized me. From CAA Sha Tin, the pasor and his wife, those who were very close to my Aunt Grace who lost to cancer last year I revisited her memories. It kept raining. I arrived at home at a little past 8. Hot shower. Watched The Shield. Bed at 9:45.
I woke this morening keen to work. I did.
At 17:43 I decided I will re-request authorization from Jason Fang's ICQ, it was instantly accepted. We chatted and I told him a little about what was going on here. And he told me to read someone's blog. I did. And then I read his blog. And a few other people I care about.
I have described to you, the past 6 days and now, 4 hours in much detail. Detail that needed great effort to revisit to tell convey to you, how it is I am, at this very time, at this very place in life. Folding my arms, I find it difficult to encapsulate this in words. Perhaps my vocabulary needs polishing......
Thank you all for being factors in the equasion that consitutes my life. I read and see what it is I have sewn. I can only hope that what you have sewn in me has borne fruit that you can see as clearly as I. And so, I look forward in life with content hopeing that you all will only allow me to be an input in your lifes and let me add to you as you have added to me.